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Semi-Practical Jokes
I'm
not recomending you do these nasty little tips but it would sure
be fun to see someone else do them.
Office
Pranks/Gags
Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
Don't use any punctuation
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)
Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3."
Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do."
What the...?!*%^#
Get up early to get the newspaper, make sure that you have a copy yesterday's paper around. replace the middle of today paper with yesterday's. Watch as dear old pop can't find the continuation of that cover story! --- Blame Roxy
ATM Jackpot!
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "Third time this week!!!"
Animals on the Loose!
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
Lunchtime Speed Trap
At lunch time, have lunch in your car and have some fun at the same time. Park your car just off a main road and sit with your sunglasses on pointing a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
Mower Mishap
This one is the best ever! Ingredients: friend's riding lawnmower (with friend out and about) plastic bag full of feathers and old hamburger meat, (thawed and cut into tiny pieces) and scotch tape. Take the bag of feathers and meat and duct tape it securely to the bottom of the lawn mower in front of the blade. When your friend starts mowing, the vibrating will slowly shake the bag loose, and then, "fur" and "guts" will fly everywhere! I laughed out loud for about 30 minutes when I heard about this one! Especially good if your friend has a small dog or pet. --- Blame Louie
Bad Gatorade
I am a swimmer. While one of my friends was swimming in his relay, me and a different friend took his Gatorade, drank it all, and replaced it with pool water. We dyed it with food coloring so that he couldn't tell the difference until he tasted it. We watched from a distance as he got a yucky surprise. (My accomplice was caught after, but he wasn't a very good actor, and he doesn't hold up well while in a headlock on the ground.) --- Blame Andrew Wald
A Lousy Trick!
This one is for people with long hair. Next time you are in line of somewhere where there is a lot of people, get a tic-tak hidden in your hand, and start to pick in your hair. After a few minutes of digging, act like you just pulled a louse out of your hair, then eat it! People will squirm. --- Blame Rebecca Gravelle
Who's in Control?
Unscrew a universal remote control. Use wire cutters to remove the little infrared thing there. Hide the infrared thing in one room aimed at the TV and solder enough wire to it to reach a safe hiding spot. Then, solder the other ends of the wires to the rest of the remote in the other room. Whenever somebody is watching something important (i.e. the Super Bowl) and a big play is happening, flip the channels. --- Blame Daniel
Ash Blaster
If the lunch room/smoking room at work has plastic (or aluminum) ashtrays, make a small hole at the bottom, and tape a fire cracker underneath with the wick coming up through the hole. Trim the wick, and camouflage it with ashes and a few butts. When the victim sets his cigarette down... well you guessed it. Best part is that you don't have to be around to get blamed, so you can do it again another time, when they forgotten about it. Works great at poker parties. Ashes everywhere! --- Blame evil Alex
You won the Lottery!
If you have a local lottery where you get to pick your own numbers, buy a fresh newspaper with last night's winning numbers then buy those very same numbers. It took my family four minutes of looking at the ticket and the newspaper before they figured it out. --- Blame Benton
About the Dent...
Go into a parking lot with a small piece of paper and a pen. Write the following on the paper: "Sorry about the dent. You were parked awkwardly and I had some problems, but my insurance will cover it. Besides, its only a small dent, right? Again, sorry." Scribble it quickly so it looks like you were in a hurry, but make it readable. Put it on the nicest car in the parking lot, stand back and wait for the inspection and head scratching to take place. --- Blame Sean Waldner
Shower Cup
Take a plastic cup and fill it with water. then put it in a cabinet like a kitchen cabinet or something. tape a short length of thread to the cup and tape the other end to the inside of the cabinet door. (use just enough thread to get your hand out) when somebody opens the door they will get a free shower!. --- Blame Dan S.
Just Half a Glass Please
If you are having a party at your own house get about five wine glasses and put cling film in it, dip it in so it is only about half way in. Now lay them out on the table with a wine bottle, dim the lights so the guests won't see you have jinxed their glass. Tell them to help themselves to the wine. They will pour wine into their glass and eventually realize it is only half full. This is very effective. --- Blame Oliver L.
17 Cigarettes
In a soft pack of cigarettes, carefully cut the bottom cellophane and proceed to open the pack carefully from the bottom. Remove three or more cigarettes (but less than 5 as this will become noticeable) and glue the pack back up with clear-drying glue (Elmer's glue stick is good) , re-seal the pack. Stand back and watch as the 'mark' realizes they have just purchased a 'new' pack with less than 20 cigarettes. A friend and I have tried this on his mother and she never realized our joke for years. --- Blame Linda B. (Burke)
Salt Shaker Volcano
A bit of a twist on the old loosening the salt shaker gag...Take an empty shaker and put a small amount of lemon juice in the bottom. Use a napkin to create a small area at the top of the shaker; fill with baking soda. When a friend tries to use the salt, the baking powder and lemon juice react...reminisccent of an elementary school volcano. --- Blame Ryan C.
Condiment Commode
Take a ketchup packet, honey packet, mustard packet or any other individually packeted potential squirting mess and fold it. Then place it under the pad that separates the toilet seat from the toilet. When you potential subject sits down on the seat to do their doo...They will receive a condiment surprise. --- Blame goes to D. Forster
Questionable Seating
If you're in a pickup leaving a job site and you happen to be the third guy on the far right . When you see a girl, reach over and beep the horn and then duck down. The girl will look over to see two guys sitting smack up against each other. Thanks to: AJ Vogtman
It also prevents me from “streaking.”
Going to a restaurant can be boring sometimes, but it can be spiced up if you take a Windex or other glass cleaner plastic spray bottle, and pull it out, spray your food , saying "it just doesn't have the zing that I like", and then unscrew the top and take a couple of belts and put it back in you briefcase. Use two or three drops of blue food coloring in water to get just the right color. It always creates a stir. Thanks to: Joe Fairbanks
Remote Control
Radio Shack has those remote control watches that control a variety of TV's, and VCR. Would make for interesting fun at a bar during the big game, or the TV display section of the local store. Thanks to: Frank P. DeCandia
Fake Feces
For the movie "The Burbs", we had to make some fake dog poo (because actors don't want to step in the real thing). we had a mixture of canned dog food, bean dip, and various other nasty looking food items. after mixing the concoction, we loaded it into empty caulking tubes and squeezed it where needed. it looked so good , we went over to the nearest park and placed a perfectly shaped" dropping", and waited for the next dog walker to come by. to a dog it looks and tastes pretty good. --- Mark Jameson
Freaky Phantom Phones
While at a party or at someone's house or apartment remove all of the phone cables when no one is looking but leave an answering machine (preferably hidden). That way when the phone rings the machine will pick up and the resident will be unable to talk. It’s very confusing (and annoying)! --- Ali Heck (a recent victim of this joke)
Grandpa’s Sledgehammer
This one involves a little talent... My Grandfather perfected this one. Get yourself some balsa-wood (usually found at hobby shops) and make yourself a mallet; handle and head. Paint the head black, and the handle dark brown, so that it looks like a real, lethal, sledgehammer. When company comes to visit, throw it at them when they walk in the door. The utter shock and expressions on their faces are priceless. (The balsa-wood axe/hatchet works well too). --- Terry Pugesek
Nine Foot Tall Man
If you wear cowboy boots, it's a hoot to use the toilet stall in a public mens' room to take a leak.
Take off your boots, place them by the toilet so as to look like you're still standing in them, and stand with stocking feet ON the toilet to do your business. (May want to wipe the seat off first.) People are amazed to see a nine foot man taking a leak, because all they see is your boots down at the bottom of the stall, and the top half of your body. I've had people say, "Holy Cow! How tall ARE you?" --- Terry Pugesek
Sugar (?) Cookies
When making sugar cookies, omit the sugar, and replace with salt...tastes likes*^&%, but works for that co worker you just can’t stand. --- Sherian Damian
We suggest making the real thing using the real recipe for a few times to get people used to how wonderful your cookies are - then substitute the salt for the sugar when they have come to expect the real thing. Indicate that you have changed the recipe slightly - to cut down on your sugar intake - but you think they taste just as good, if not better!
Call of the Wild
Leave the following message for someone who has left their desk for a few minutes. A Mr. G Raffe (or Mr. L. E. Phont) called and would like you to call them back. Leave the number for the local zoo. Sit back and watch while they return the call looking for Mr G Raffe. --- Michael Brennan
Tollhouse Outhouse Cookies
The funniest joke I ever pulled on My friends was to buy some powdered chocolate chip cookie mix, Sift out the chocolate chips and replace them with crumbled up Ex Lax.I made the cookies and fed them to My friends.The results are hilarious! --- blame: Gary Rieffer
Hot Pepper Keys
Put some hot pepper on your co-workers keyboard or mouse. (Wear gloves) Rub it in on the board so that they can't see it. It's a riot! --- blame: ScienceIQ@...
Giant Underpants
Buy a pair of Giant Underpants and go to the Laundromat. (available from Archie McPhee online at: http://www.mcphee.com/products/20Items/M5624.html) Find the smallest person there and wait until they look away. Slip the underpants into their dryer and wait for the hilarity to ensue. First you get to see them hold the underpants up as they try to fold them, then you get to watch them ask people if the underwear is theirs.
Getting “Punchy”
At work go around an collect all the little paper circles left over in the paper punches. Then go to a friend or co workers car and put them on top of the visor. Make sure to brush the strays off the seat. When your friend puts the sun visor down all the little circles will fall in their lap and face simulating a snow shower. It was very humorous for a lady who was in the back of a cowrkers police car. When he pulled the visor down to get a paper clip a veritable blizzard hit him in the face. She laughed all the way to jail.
The Wave
This practical joke works almost every time, and is a priceless way to have some fun. With three or more people in your car, drive down the street and look for pedestrians. Just before you approach them, give them a friendly tap of the horn. They will raise their hands and wave, not really knowing just who they are waving at. Just as they are raising their hand, have everyone turn the other direction and wave to the other side of the street. It really is hilarious, and embarrasses them profusely. It works especially well when driving by a group of people on their lawn or outside a business. --- Danny Vogtman
Hot Teeth
Rub the insides and juice of a hot pepper on your friend/foe’s toothbrush, and wait for the reaction when they brush their teeth! (Warning, don’t rub your eyes after doing this, or the joke will be on you.) --- Mariel
Booby-Trapped Snack
Take a can of fruit cocktail or any kind of fruit. With a can opener, remove the entire bottom of the can. Turn it upside down and fill it with steel ball bearings (marbles will also do). Put a piece of cardboard under it and turn it over onto a co-workers desk. Make sure you place it close to the edge. Leave a napkin, spoon and a little note telling them to enjoy the little snack you left for them. They will wonder who left it and when the pick up the can the ball bearings will go crashing all over the floor.
Desk Drawer Dilemma
Duct tape is real handy for driving your co-workers, or better yet, your boss, nuts. Only a few feet are needed to tape someone's center desk drawer shut around the edges of the two sides and the back. It's doubly exciting if the drawer is just slightly open so that the victim can tell that the drawer can't be locked, but can't immediately see or feel what is holding the drawer shut if the tape doesn't cover the entire length of the drawer. At the same time it doesn't do any permanent damage to the furniture. Works best in conditions of reduced light. Avoid doing this to anyone who may have a bad back. The drawer pulling response can get really vigorous. --- Charles A. Sudholt
Trash TV Star
Call someone and say that you are a producer from the Ricki Lake Show (or Jenny Jones, Sally Jessie, Montel, etc.) Tell them that someone from their past would like to confront them or reunite with them on the show. Then proceed to talk business (airline reservations, hotel accommodations, etc.), and when pressed for more information, simply say that you're not able to give them any information and they will find out the day of the show. Their brains will be so busy trying to think of who would want to confront them that they'll never even stop to think who might be playing a prank on them! ---Emily K. Dalton
Glowing Hands
This works really well out camping or anywhere really dark. Get one of those glow in the dark tubes and activate it. Poke a hole in the top or cut the top off and rub some on your hands. Be very careful, there will be little glass shards in the liquid. Hide somewhere where you know someone will be along in a few minutes and reach for them. All they'll see are two glowing hands reaching for them. --- Jess McKinnon
Frozen Window Dressing
Here is a good one for you. When it is a COLD night out side, below 25 or so. Go to your friend/foe's car and place wet paper towels on the wind shield. It works best the colder it is because the wet paper towels freeze. The next morning will be a complete pain trying to get the Iced on towels off. --- Jeremy DeBacker
Basement Sale
We put an ad in the paper for a basement sale at our friend's house (of course they were not aware that they were going to have a sale) (we advertised antiques, baby clothes, guns and much miscellaneous). Very early on the morning of the day of the planned sale, we went out and put up signs for the sale. Around ten o'clock we drove past their house and there was a sign on the door that said "SOLD OUT". It seems that people came to the "sale" starting at 7:00 AM. --- MG91348@...
Mock Collision
Get a hold of a station wagon and a metal trash can. Drive through a neighborhood at night with a friend in back with the window down. Come to a screeching halt while your friend slams the trash can down on the street. Then take off quickly. Count the porch lights coming on. --- Dennis King
Newspaper Flood
First you tape some newspaper over the frame of a doorway leaving a gap from the top about two inches. then fill the gap between the door and newspaper with little paperballs, so when the person on the inside opens the door a wave of paperballs flood the room. --- Josh Seisa
For Sale by Owner
When your friend or foe goes out of town. Stick a "home for sale" sign in front yard with their phone number on it. (Most Home Depot's or Menards will carry these signs.) Somewhere on sign also write, “must sell today please make offer” --- blumer777@...
Numb Bum
For a fun out of the ordinary day at school a few friends and I decided to bring a tube of the joint numbing Ben Gay to school. We got there early since we had detentions and smeared Ben Gay all over the toilet seats and hand railings. Boy was everyone having a case of numb bum at the end of the day! It was so funny! --- Ashley M., Ohio (whom, we assume is STILL in detention)
Kids in the Kennel
While using a drive through lane at a fast food restaurant, place a child in a portable dog kennel in the back seat or the box of a truck, as you drive up have them bark loudly as you yell for them to shut up, watch the looks you get as you drive off and they finally get a look at that kid in the kennel. Priceless!!!! --- Mark Kottke
Horny Brakes
This one is great but takes a little work. Get two wires and alligator clips and rig up two jumpers. Go under the hood of your prankee and wire their horn to their brakes. Especially good for doctoring up that newly wed getaway vehicle. YeeeHa. --- Tony Davis
Roommate in Jeopardy
My college roommate was always bragging about how much trivia he knew. He nearly always made it back to the room by 4:30 every weekday to watch Jeopardy. Often he would invite others to our room just to show off his genius. After a while I got sick of it, so I played this prank on him. I secretly taped an episode of Jeopardy on a rare day when he missed seeing it. I actually taped a few minutes of the shows before and after it as well. Then I memorized all the answers. The next day when he came back from class with his friends I had the tape playing, and the show was just about to start. I draped a newspaper and situated some other clutter on the top of the TV cabinet to hide the front of the VCR. Did I ever show him up that day! Sometimes I would even throw in a wrong answer that one of the contestants might have guessed too, just to make it look good. He was too humiliated to stick around for Final Jeopardy, and I was able to put the tape away without anyone ever catching on! --- Thanks to Jim Anglese
Hello Steve, This is Hal
If you are working in an office where two computer workstations are set up back to back you can pull this one off. Before the person who works across from you gets to his station, unplug his keyboard and plug yours into his computer. Then open a word processor on his terminal. When he sits down start typing. When I did it the conversation went something like this:
SCREEN: Hello Steve (victim’s name)
STEVE: What the heck?
SCREEN: How are you doing Steve?
STEVE: Oh my god the computer knows my name!!!!!
Steve's dialog with the HAL9000 continued for a few minutes before I couldn't hold back the tears of laughter. --- Thanks to Robert Wise
Grandpa’s Feather Gag
When my grandpa was young he and his friends used to fill a sack up with feathers and tie a rope to each side of the sack and hide on either side of the road and wait for a car to come. When the car comes pull the sack across in front of the car so that it hits it. Then keep really quiet and don't move while the people try and find out what they just hit.
Twisted Nap
Tired? Lie at the bottom of the staircase in the most twisted angle you can imagine and wait for someone to find you.... you’ll find out FAST who really cares about you. --- thanks to Kolade Enahoro
Sweater Binder
I've done this often to the same coworker. She often leaves her sweater on a chair as the temperature in the office fluctuates from cool to warm. When she's not around I used small binder clips to clip the end of the sleeve to the hem, or bind the inside of the sleeve shut. Priceless when played on the right person. --- Frank DeCandia
Is Max There?
Phone somebody, and when they answer ask for Max. Repeat this 4 or 5 times (using different people each time heightens the effect). Finally ring and when the person answers, say "this is Max are there any messages for me? --- Ian Murray
Birthday Bluster
My favorite joke has got to be the old "it's your birthday!" prank. While dining at a restaurant that you KNOW makes a fuss when its someone's birthday, when your dining guest is the restroom, or at the salad bar etc., notify the staff that it is their birthday and that they will probably deny it - but ignore what they save - they NEVER want people to make a big deal about their birthday. Watch hilarity ensue as they are made a big fuss over and try to deny that it is their birthday. --- CHADDW213@...
Rude Awakening
When a person is sleeping, quietly walk up to them, with a flash light aimed into the victims closed eye's and as loud as you can yell, scream TRAIN! --- Abby B Conley
You are a sick person Abby! So, we post this joke with this WARNING: If your victim has a heart condition - this may be the last time they ever wake up.
Bogus Recall Notice
This joke was done to me. I had bought a new car and picked it up on Saturday afternoon. On Monday morning when I got to work there was a message on my answering machine saying the person was calling from Pontiac to inform me of a recall on my car-- no other information-- no phone number. I was on the phone all day with the car dealer chewing his head off. He even told me that they hadn't sent in the paperwork to Pontiac yet. --- Marty Grady
Windshield Whizzers
Re-aim your windshield washers so when stopped at a traffic light you can squirt the car next to you. --- Thom McCaughey
Lid Lube
Spread Vaseline on the seat of a toilet and then close the lid. When the victim sits down they will have a little mess to wipe off their backside. --- Robin Allen
Pesky Possum Potable Poopy Prank
I have a trick I once played on a possum that wouldn't stay out of my garbage. I took the cream filling out of a Twinkie & replaced it with laxatives.. sure enough he ate it & never came back for more. --- Julie
Selective Power Outage
Once on April 1st I came home a little early from work and unscrewed all the light bulbs in the house. Then I left and returned at my normal time. By then my roommates had come in and were completely dumbfounded. They were flipping breakers and trying to figure out why the light wouldn't work but the microwave clock and refrigerator light worked. --- Greg Parsons
Menu Madness
When at a restaurant, tell the waitress what you would like from the menu while pointing at a different item on the menu. Do this for every item from appetizers to dessert (including beverages). When they attempt to clarify your request say, "No, the (same thing you just mentioned).” But point to another item again. He/she will be quite confused. --- Thanks to The Donleys
Malfunction Junction
When you are the first person to a crosswalk, pretend to push the button (don't actually push it). Act agitated and complain about the city's electrical wiring. Fake push the button a couple more times. Then, fume for 5 - 10 minutes. 75% of the time, the other people never think to hit the button themselves! --- J. Simpson
Oreo Madness
A lot of folks have told us that they replace the Oreo filling with toothpaste. However, due to the potentially harmful effect of eating toothpaste, we suggest replacing the filling with a paste mixture of baking soda and water. Works great and tastes awful!
Walking on Nails
The clear plastic carpet protectors, made to make office chairs roll easily on thick carpet, often have VERY sharp points on the bottom to hold the carpets in place. Just imagine the fun when you turn over one of those matts in an area where people walk barefooted.
I got nailed with this one at a friends house, who had a 10 foot long carpet runner made out of this plastic stuff...keep in mind it was 10 FEET LONG! The clincher was, these guys had a pool. I was outside by the pool, in bare feet of course, and my buddy yells, "hey, come here quick!" At top speed, I ran down 10 FEET of thousands and thousands of needle sharp plastic tacks. I think I actually levitated across the last 4 or 5 feet. My buddies laughed for an hour. That was 20 years ago, and I still remember it clearly. --- Eric Rose
Cressing (or Chia Carpet)
When your foe/friend goes away on vacation, pour water with cress seeds onto a carpeted area in their house/room. The seeds should germinate on the damp carpet and the person should return to a growing carpet. --- Ben Crocker
Safe Driving Apparel
Wear Motorcycle helmets while driving. You may also want to don a gas mask to heighten the effect. Have a good story made up for when you get pulled over by the highway patrol (The gas mask is for allergies and helmet for extra protection in case the airbag accidentally inflates).
Door Slime
Take some slime and put it under the car handles at a store where people come out regularly. Sit in your car (parked at somewhat of a distance from the other cars) and slink down in your seat. Peek over the dashboard as people jerk their hands back once they feel the slime. --- Blame Shirley Noel
Little Squirt on the Beach
Take water guns to the beach and act like you are sleeping in your lounge chair. As people walk by discretely squirt them but keep your eyes barely open. --- Shirley Noel
Taste Test
Using your index finger, stick it in some nasty substance. As you lift hand to your mouth, switch to your middle finger and place in mouth...Remark on taste. --- J.S. Urias
The Maddening Marshmallow Man
My dad said that he used to pull this practical joke when he was out with his friends. First, they would go and buy a bag of jumbo-sized marshmallows from a grocery store and then they would head to the nearest golf course. They would follow the golfers ahead of them or take their time so the party behind them would be very close. Then, when the other people weren't looking, they would throw the marshmallows all over the green. Having done that, the people would look for their balls, but it was nearly impossible to find from a distance with marshmallows all over the grass! --- Thanks to Niiera09@...
Smoke Covered Engine
Take motor oil or cooking oil and pour a small amount onto the engine of Friend/foe's car. Just a thin coat as to not start a fire. When the victim gets a couple of miles down the road and their car begins smoking profusely, they will assume the worst and be delayed for a time directly proportional to their wit or mechanical ability. --- Thanks to Eliot Davignon
Asleep at the Wheel
While driving, wait until a car is slowly passing on the left, then lean your head back on the seat (or resting on the window) and close your left eye, and let your mouth hang open like your sleeping (a little drool adds to the effect). (Be sure to keep your right eye open to watch the road) --- Thanks to Brian Waclawczyk
Dr. (Hot) Pepper
Take one Habanero pepper and wait for your victim to set their drink down. Cut the pepper in half and rub it on the can or cup where your victim places his/her mouth. Watch as they take a drink and about 2 to 3 seconds later realize that their mouth begins to grow hotter and hotter. Nonchalantly ask, "What's the matter?" (CAUTION: Don’t rub the tears of laughter from your eyes or you will have cause to cry!)
Chicken Soup Shower
Remove the shower head from your shower and put in two or three chicken (or beef) bullion cubes in the head. When the victim takes a hot shower they will end up smelling strangely like chicken soup! --- Thanks to Swamppi32@...
Beetles in your Beetle
Those Japanese beetle traps don't kill the bugs, the bag just fills up with live beetles. Hundreds of 'em. Take the bag full of live beetles to a parking lot. The local video store is best, because people are in there for only a few minutes at a time. Look for a car where the windows are down only a few inches, and dump the beetles in there. Then wait for the owner of the car to come back. --- Cindy Meyers
Bizarre Things to Do When Driving
CAUTION: Several of these MAY result in serious injury, or death (yourself and/or others) or arrest. Use your head when actually implementing any of these ideas --- most are fun to think about, but that's where their practicality ends. You have been warned.
Have a friend ride in the back seat. Gagged.
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Roll down your windows and blast TALK RADIO. Headbang.
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Wear snorkel gear and hang fish around from the ceiling.
Or, fill large, clear food storage bags with water and gold fish. Tape these to each of your side windows.
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Two words: Chicken suit.
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If you have a quickly reclining driver's seat, pull up to an intersection and drop the seat (so you are laying down). Neighboring cars will look over and see no driver.
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Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint (The more it looks like blood, the better).
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Decorate your car like a parade float.
Get a large, Fiberglas animal and mount it to the top of your car.
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Mount a few propane tanks and various hoses and tubing to the top of your car and write "ALTERNATIVE PROPULSION RESEARCH VEHICLE STAY BACK 200 FEET" on your trunk.
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Pay the toll for the car behind you. Watch in rearview mirror as toll collector tries to explain to next driver.
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Laugh. Laugh a lot. Glance at neighboring cars, and laugh even more.
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Give puppet shows out of your side windows and/or sunroof (especially fun while waiting at intersections). More effective if you seem to be either totally oblivious to the puppet, or totally enthralled in the proceedings.
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Put your arms down the legs of an extra pair of trousers, put sneakers on your hands, and lean the seat back as you drive.
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Drive backwards through the bank drive-up teller (especially effective if it is your passenger that needs to make the transaction) Or, drive backwards through the fast-food drive-up window.
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At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, suddenly lock your doors.
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Honk frequently without motivation.
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Wave vigorously at people in neighboring cars and at pedestrians.
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At stop lights, ask people if they have any Grey Poupon. (If they say no, offer them some - small packets are available at deli counters.)
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Hang twenty or more car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror and drive with a gas mask on.
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Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window.
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Keep at least five cats in the car.
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Squeegee your windshield at every stop.
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When pulled over for driving erratically, jump out of your car flailing your arms yelling, "BEES!" (thanks to the movie, "Tommy Boy")
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Flag cars over and compliment other drivers on their driving skill and finesse.
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Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.
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Stop and collect roadkill.
Stop and pray for roadkill (erecting a little cross at the side of the road).
Stop and cook roadkill. (If in Tennessee.)
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Throw little cubes of Spam in other’s car windows at stoplights or while passing.
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